Losing Myself: Goodbye Beijing

The past four months of my life have been incredible. Some days I still
can’t believe that I am in China. Last weekend I was reflecting on the
semester with some of the staff members of The Beijing Center and some
other students. I thought about when I first arrived in Beijing, not
being able to understand any Chinese written or spoken and the feeling
of isolation I had. I remembered making the friends that I have grown to
love so much. The friendships I have made in Beijing feel as though they
have already been a lifetime. Having gone through so many challenges in
such a foreign place has brought me closer to my friends here than I
could ever have imagined. They are truly what I will miss most about the
Beijing Center.

I remembered the two weeks I spent traveling around the Yunnan Province
of China spending my nights sleeping in villages with China’s ethnic
minorities. I remembered walking on the Great Wall of China and feeling
the centuries of history beneath my feet. I remembered going to Sichuan
and seeing the foothills of the Himalayas. I remembered all the days I
spent ordering 宫保鸡丁和奶茶 kung pow chicken and milk tea. I remembered so
many incredible moments: the moments of sorrow and joy, confusion and
understanding.

In Daoism there is a concept that you must totally lose yourself to be
able to find yourself. You must totally lose yourself to realize that
you are part of something bigger and greater than yourself. Being in
China allowed me to lose myself in a way that I have never done before.
There were moments when I was physically lost, but more importantly
moments when I was mentally, emotionally, and spiritually lost. Although
I don’t know if I have found myself, being in China has taken me on the
path of losing myself. It has made me a part of something bigger than
myself. In a place where everyday is a challenge I learned about myself.

Even though my study abroad journey is ending there is still so much
more I have to say. When I get home I will continue to reflect and write
about the many experiences I’ve in China (and Italy).

It is still hard to believe that the next time I write I will be home in
America.

再见北京 Goodbye Beijing

Made in China

I know that before I even thought about coming to China I was well aware
of how often I bought things that were made in China. Usually that is an
indication that it is not great quality but I now have a quality
purchase made in china. I recently had a suit tailor made for myself. I
had it made at a local clothing market. I picked out the fabric and
style with the help of some friends who came with me. When I went back
the first time to try on the suit I was really excited but the suit was
a little big and unfinished. Today I went back and tried on the final
product and I am very happy to have a custom made suit! I really dislike
shopping so having a suit made to fit me is awesome! When I was looking
at the suit realized there wasn’t a usual tag it made me think about the
made in China labels. I have been trying to buy things here in China
that are well made Chinese crafts and products rather than the mass
produced products that often make their way to the tourist markets. Even
though I have also indulged in some touristy gifts I am proud that I
have invested some of my money into buying quality items that I will
both treasure and use and remember this amazing adventure in China.

One of the best parts of getting the suit made was talking to the
seamstress in Chinese. When I first picked out the suit I didn’t use
much Chinese since I don’t know any colors or other adjectives I needed
to use, but I tried to throw in any Chinese words I could. I’ve found
that even trying to use a little Chinese can go along way with people. I
really believe that trying to learn the language and showing Chinese
people that you are about their language and culture can really improve
a situation. When I went back to pick up the completed suit I used a lot
more Chinese. I was so proud of myself when I told the woman that the
suit was very good and thanked her. Then she asked me about studying
Chinese and I told her in Chinese that I had a test early that day and
she told me that my pronunciation was getting good. I still find it
incredible that I was able to have even that small conversation with the
Chinese seamstress. It made me feel like all my studying is paying off
and I can at least begin to communicate a little more with Chinese
people. That small conversation was a small light in the midst of the
increasingly grey and gloomy city. It has been a hard couple of weeks
for me since I’ve had a ton of work to do, and since the weather has
been warmer the pollution has greatly increased. Even though I’m often
discouraged when I can’t see the sun there are always moments when some
little thing like talking to the seamstress or the woman at my favorite
milk tea stand can be a small ray of sunlight in my day. 

The Great Difficult Winding Staircase & The Olympic Park

I recently went on a school-sponsored trip to the Great Wall of China,
and think that it lives up to its name. It was great! When we went it was
an absolutely gorgeous day, the sky was even blue (which is rare in
and around Beijing). We drove about an hour and a half from our campus in
Beijing to the Great Wall and then had to hike up more steps than I care
to remember up to the wall. When I was finally standing on the Great Wall
of China the view was incredible. It was like being in a movie. I half
expected an animated Hung from Mulan to jump over the wall and attack me –
it just seemed so unreal that I was there. The wall stretched as far as I
could see in both directions over the mountains. Me and my friends
started to climb our way to the highest guard tower that we thought we
could reach in a reasonable amount of time. After about an hour of
stumbling up uneven, rough, and often steep steps I thought that maybe it
should be called The Great Difficult Winding Staircase.  We finally
reached the tower and then began climbing back to the other end of the
wall. Instead of suffering the hike back down we took a toboggan ride
down the great wall back to the park entrance. We each sat on a sled like
seat and then used a handle to move forward or break. It was extremely
fun but also kind of terrifying as I flew down the slide feeling like a
bobsledder. Even thought climbing the wall was a little tough the view
was amazing and just being on the Great Wall of China made it worth every
step. Although it happens often in China it was another “I can’t
believe I am actually here” moments.

Speaking of places I can’t believe I was actually at… this past weekend I
went to the Olympic Park with two of my friends. As we pulled up to the
park and saw the Bird’s Nest Olympic Stadium I would hear the
Olympic theme in my head, and was transported back to my couch at home
sitting with my family who loves the Olympics. I just kept thinking about
how I had seen all the buildings on TV during the Olympics and yet again
couldn’t believe I was actually there. If you had told me in the summer
of 2008 that I would be standing there myself two and a half years later
I wouldn’t have believed you. Although I could have stood in awe just
looking at the Olympic stadium I had come with a mission. I had heard
from a friend that part of the Water Cube (Olympic Aquatic Center) had
been turned into a water park. My friends and I bought our tickets for
the water park and headed inside. First, we stopped to look at
the Olympic pool used for the Olympic races. It was soooooooo cool to be
inside the place where Michael Phelps had won all his gold medals. Then
we headed to the water park. It was similar to some American water parks
I’ve been to only everyone except me and my two friends were Chinese.
Even though I’m used to being the only white person in Beijing I was
surprised that there weren’t anyother foreigners at the water park. It
was especially noticeable while we were in the wave pool and a giant
screen showed everyone in the pool. Like showing a crowd at a sporting
event the large screen zoomed in on people who were waving and dancing
for the camera, and of course they zoomed in on the three white Americans
dancing just as crazily as all the Chinese people around them. The water
park was a lot of fun, and it was pretty amazing to be swimming
and running around in the Olympic Water Cube. 

A Heartbreaking Trip to Sichuan

Last week I was on a week long trip to the Sichuan Province to China. At
one point the staff member leading the trip used the perfect adjective
to describe the trip: Arduous. Our trip became with an extremely
turbulent plane ride, and then continued with a rainy bus ride and
arrival at our first destination. We visited the famous Buddhist Dazu
Grottos, which are gorgeous Buddhist images carved into a natural rock
formation. I walked along the beautiful rocks surrounded by lush green
bamboo and feeling the rain hit the hood of my jacket. Even though the
conditions weren’t ideal it was easy to see why monks decided to live in
this beautifully peaceful place.

Our trip continued the next day by driving in the pouring rain to our
next destination where we didn’t get to hike up the World’s Largest
Buddha or visit the monastery behind the Buddha. It was the beginning of
what turned out to be an excruciatingly disappointing trip. I had been
looking forward to hiking to see the Buddha and the monastery but
instead our group was forced to take a Maid-of-the-Mist style boat ride
where I barely got to see the Buddha. After the boat ride we got back on
the bus and later arrived in a small town with nothing to do, nowhere to
go, and nothing to see. It was also freezing! Literally, it was snowing
during the night. We stayed the night in a guesthouse with no heating. I
was sharing a room with my friend Katrina and both of us feeling
miserable and tired we climbed into our freezing beds wearing as much
clothing as possible at 7:30 pm. When we realized what time it was we
felt super lame and decided to stay up and play 20 questions. So, after
an hour we called it a night and went to bed in a room that was the
same temperature as outside, which was freezing!

The next day began the arduous trek to the Tibetan cultural region of
the Sichuan province. We drove over, around, and through mountains
through a blizzard. We drove all day and into the night and finally
arrived at in the snowy darkness at what our guide claimed was “the most
beautiful village in all of China”. I was extremely skeptical, as I had
to stumble up a rock path in the dark to get our homemade village
dinner. Once dinner was over we walked outside (where it was snowing!)
to see the villagers perform traditional dances for us. There was fresh
goat meat roasting on a spit over the fire and hot tea for everyone to
enjoy. Even though I was cold and tired it was really a great experience
to see the villagers dance. It was an even greater experience when the
villagers asked us to dance with them, then turned on some village
techno, turned off the lights, put on a strobe light, and turned the
night into a village rave. It was strangely beautiful to see the snow
falling and people dancing with the flashing strobe light. After the
party we went back to the village houses we stayed in and again slept in
all our clothes since there was no heat.

The next morning I woke up and looked out the window and realized why we
had been told it was “the most beautiful village in all of China”. The
view was breathtakingly beautiful. I was looking at the snowcapped
Himalaya Mountains over a roof flying Tibetan prayer flags. My friends
and I decided to take a hike before we had to meet for lunch, and as I
walked past the trees covered in blossoms and snow I couldn’t believe
how beautiful the village was. Every single moment I looked at the
mountains I was hit by the majesty and beauty. There wasn’t a second
when I wasn’t overwhelmed by the breathtaking beauty of the landscape.
We found a goat path and followed it around the side of the mountain to
soak in more of the gorgeous views. Along the way we saw colorful prayer
flags flying against the brilliant white rocks and snow. For a while I
just sat on a rock and stared at the majestic mountains. It was amazing
to be so close to Tibet standing on a mountain The rest of the trip mostly consisted of driving on the bus, stopping to put snow chains on the tires, driving more, stopping to get food, driving more, stopping in a town to sleep for the night and doing it again. There was so much time spent on the bus that we spent more time on the bus than doing anything else. There was one night we were in the
town on the border of Tibet and ate dinner there and then drove away
because of yet another blizzard. It was absolutely heartbreaking for me
to be so close to Tibet and not be able to see anything or stay there
for more than the hour we had to eat. The whole trip left me feeling
worn down, disappointed, and heartbroken. I’m glad that I got to hike in
the most beautiful village in China but I am saddened that this trip has
left a lingering sadness in my heart. It is my hope that one day I can
return to that region of China and experience all the things I wish I
could have done on this trip. At least I can remember the smell of clean
mountain air and in my mind see Tibetan prayer flags fluttering against
the backdrop of the Himalayas. 

Midterm Mayhem and Massages

This past week was my very stressful midterm week. I spent my whole week
working on presentations, reading and rereading assignments, memorizing
over 100 Chinese characters, and memorizing a speech in Chinese. By far
the hardest studying I’ve had to do, maybe in my whole college career,
is Chinese. Everything about it is just so different – the characters,
the sounds, and the grammar. I stayed up late and woke up early to study
Chinese, and I hope it paid off but I’ll have to wait to find out. It
was strange because having midterms week made me feel like I was at
Loyola. It was just like midterm week in Chicago with late night
studying and stressing out, spending the whole week cooped up in the
library and study lounge, but instead of coffee breaks I took regular
milk tea breaks. I bonded with my Chinese tutor since I spent extra time
with her studying Chinese and even though it was stressful it really
made me realize how much I’ve already learned this semester. In all my
classes I was able to reflect on all the research, reading, observing,
and learning I have done.


I finished my midterms on Thursday so on Friday my friend Molly and I
decided we needed and deserved a break. We went to do a little shopping
and then went to get pedicures. After reviewing the prices we decided to
add a massage to our pedicure since it was only 30 rmb, which is the
equivalent of five U.S. dollars. The pedicure was amazing! I’m not a big
fan of my feet, but the pedicure made them feel amazing, and the massage
was exactly what I needed after a week of stress. So I guess even though
midterms were stressful and there isn’t any good coffee in China I got
to end my week with some much needed relaxation.


Tomorrow I am leaving for the Sichuan province of China on another trip
sponsored by my program. We are going to see the giant pandas and
hopefully some other wonderful things! So unfortunately that means I
won’t be blogging for another week, but I will be sure to write about
my Sichuan adventures as soon as I return.

China makes me feel like a poet...

Sometimes China makes me feel like a poet. When I’m walking through the
ancient cypress woods at the temple of heaven, walking up to a
templehall that is centuries old, or simply experience the joy of
savoring adelicious milk tea from the mom and pop stand by campus I feel
like I could break out a Tang Dynasty style poem.

Walking in ancient woods
Ancient arches speak
Tea refreshes my mind
How long have my thoughts wandered?

Sometimes just the vast number of emotions I feel at one time makes me
feel like a poet. One time when I visited a temple I was overcome by so
many emotions I felt like I could just start spewing beat poetry
right then and there. Looking at a gorgeous temple I was struck by the
beauty and tranquility and felt peaceful, but at the same time I was
struck by the disrepair and desertion around me and felt a sadness and
melancholy. Then just the thought that I was standing in front of a
beautiful centuries old temple in Beijing made me excited and happy, but
then realizing I’m standing alone in front of a temple in Beijing, China
made me feel lonely and disconnected from the world. There are some
movements like these that I feel like Beijing is slowly striping away all
my preconceived notions, thoughts, and feelings and instead dissolving
them to reveal raw emotions. I can’t help being honest with myself in a
place where there is no familiarity. China makes me feel like a poet
because sometimes the only way I can express my thoughts, even to myself,
are in disjointed ambiguous lines of poetic verse.

Sometimes China makes me feel like a poet and sometimes China makes me
curse. There are times when I am riding the subway, smooshed body to body
with Chinese people and I think, “why am I doing this?” There aretimes
when I am in a restaurant and can’t read anything on the menu and
nothing ever comes out looking like it does on the picture menu. There
are times when I am haggling in the market and I am being pulled at and
yelled at by all the vendors and I just want to yell in frustration.
There are times when I need to get laundry tokens and try to ask for them
in Chinese and the girl at the counter just states at me blankly, and
then when I point to the phrase in my book she laughs at me before
handing me the coins. There are days when a couple minutes after having
eaten lunch I start to realize that lunch will shortly be leaving my body
and I want to use a couple four-letter words.

But whether China is producing poetry or swear words it is definitely an
amazing place. It is a place that is challenging me and forcing me to
learn more about myself. And one of the scariest things is that
I’m really starting to like China. Beijing is growing on me. Yesterday
when I went to buy my favorite green milk tea from the mom and pop stand
the women greeted me with a smile and already knew my order. It is those
kind of things that are making me at home here and letting me see past
the stress and frustration to see that I’m enjoying Beijing.

Real, Rough, Rewarding Research

Now that I am back into the swing of things in smoggy Beijing I have
begun to do more onsite research for my Ricci project.. Last week I
began by visiting the Guangji Temple. It was much smaller than the lama
temple and significantly less touristy. The gift shop provided tons of
religious materials in Chinese and with the Chinese Buddhist Association
headquarters being located there everything seemed a little more
authentic. There were monks clad in muted orange robes walking around
the temple complex, inside the temple halls, and in the offices and gift
shop. There was no admission fee but I felt like much more of a tourist
here since I was the only one standing in admiration at the beautiful
temple halls instead of praying or engaging in conversation with one of
the monks. I loved the sense of reverence, prayer, and peace that seemed
to fill every corner of the Guangji Temple. When I was standing in one
of the temple halls simply staring at its beauty and observing the
devout Buddhists pray I was reminded how extraordinary it is that I am
getting academic credit for doing that. I am in love with my research
right now, and am so thankful that I have the opportunity to do original
on site research. I love that instead of hearing a lecture or reading a
book I was standing in a Buddhist temple surrounded by Buddhists
learning and observing and soaking in more knowledge for my research
than any book could have offered me.

Today I visited the Zhihua Temple, which turned out to be much more of
an adventure than I thought it would be. After getting off the subway in
an area I’ve never been before I consulted my map and headed for what
looked like the small side street that should take me to the temple.
Thus commenced what felt like one of the longest walks of my life.
Choosing the most direct route on the map I headed down a side street
(which in America would be considered an alley) and immediately
tightened my grip on my purse. The fact that there was only a few
Chinese people walking down the road just made me feel a little nervous,
but I decided I had already gone to far to turn back. So I kept on at a
brisk walk down the seemingly never-ending “road” which I quickly
discovered was the location of one of Beijing’s hutongs. Hutongs are a
type of narrow streets formed by lines of traditional courtyard
residences. A couple times the Chinese residents passing on bikes slowed
to nearly a stop to stare at me. I doubt they often see a white person
wandering down their street. After what seemed like a really really long
time I finally got out of the hutong and hit a major street.
Unfortunately I was only half way to the temple and had to walk through
another hutong. With trepidation I headed down another small
street/alley and again attracted the stares of all the locals. I finally
saw the roof of the temple rising above the hutong and let out a sigh of
relief since I had begun to wonder if I was on the right street or if
the temple even still existed. I am extremely proud that when the
Chinese man opened the ticket window I said 我是学生 (I am a student) and
got my ticket for half price. I said something in Chinese and a Chinese
person understood it! When I entered the gate and walked to the “ticket
check” the women in the office was eating lunch with a group of other
temple volunteers. When she took my ticket she asked me if I wanted to
eat with them. I declined the offer due to my inadequate language skills
and the contents of her bowl, but I was extremely touched by the
gesture. From the absence of English speakers in the general area let
alone the temple I think I might be the only foreigner they had seen in
a long time. There was a steady stream of small guided groups of Chinese
people in the temples. I stood in one temple hall for a long time and
watched as one of the guides showed a small gof Buddha. Being in the Zhihua temple made me feel so blessed and privileged – to be able to go and spend time in a gorgeous sacred place that is rarely seen by Westerners is awesome. Although it was a rough trip getting to the temple, it made it even more rewarding when I got to see its beauty and experience the hospitality and happiness of the people in it. It reminded me once again how amazing it is that I am doing real research and researching something I find truly beautiful.

Yunnan Trip Part 2: good food, booze, and a band

Here my story of my trip to the Yunnan province to China will continue
with my visit to the Dai village. After having just survived a horribly
cold night sleeping on rough wooden boards in a room with only three
walls pulling up to the warm welcoming Dai village was very exciting.
The village is on the border between Myanmar (Burma) and China so it is
on the southern most border of the Yunnan province. It was pleasantly
warm and the fields were filled with banana trees. The village was
beautiful with tons of flowers, children running around in the sun, and
villagers sitting outside selling handmade crafts. It was so nice to be
walking around in the warm sun breathing in the clean fragrant air! My
host mother was extremely nice and made us a delicious lunch. We had
sweet sticky rice with peanuts, delicious fresh cucumber, and a bunch of
other dishes that I actually really enjoyed eating. After lunch our host
mother took us on a tour of the village, which included a rice wine
tasting. The tasting started with a “mild” local rice wine which tasting
nothing like wine and was strong enough to make a couple of the girls
with me cough. Then we tried three more wines which increased in
strength ending in a clear “wine” that triggered several peoples gag
reflexes and tasting like drinking rubbing alcohol. So after four or
five shots of progressively stronger liquor the old villager running the
tasting gave us another shot of the first yellow wine we tasted which
now tasted suspiciously good. Needless to say we all left the wine
tasting laughing happily with smiling faces. That night we had another
delicious meal prepared by our host mother and then went to the village
party where we all learned local village dances and danced around a
giant bond fire. We also reciprocated the cultural exchange of dance my
teaching all the children in the village the chicken dance. After the
party I went back to my host house with the other four girls in my group
and we went to bed slumber party style on the floor of the living room.
I feel asleep content, happy that I didn’t have to wear my coat to sleep
and happy to have a full stomach. 

      An old Dai village man trying to get us to drink more "rice wine".

The next village we visited was a Bai village. Unfortunately the food
was not delicious like the Dai village. Instead the dinner my host
mother made me consisted of fish with bones and scales, lard soaked in
spices, and several unidentifiable foods that looked like organs and
worms. I tried most of the food and then tried to kill the awful tastes
in my mouth with some rice. In general I ate a lot of rice in Yunnan,
lots and lots of rice. The Bai people are known for their dances so the
village party was full of beautiful village dances. The village had a
small stage that had a band of local men playing traditional instruments
and providing the music for most of the dances. After the party we went
back to our host house and then went on an epic adventure to go to the
bathroom. We left the house and went down the windy path through the
village, we had to jump over some chasms in the path, avoid the piles of
poop, duck under the low hanging roofs, walk down a hill, go over a
small river, walk on giant paving stones across some muddy grass, and
walk to a field where there was a wooden stall with a hole to go to the
bathroom in. As I was waiting for the other girls I looked up at the
stars and then couldn’t take my eyes off them. The sky was gorgeous! It
was like being in a planetarium with every start in the sky visible and
shining bright. I could see all the constellations and more starts than
I can count twinkling in the beautiful sky. I just stood there thinking,
“Oh my God, I am standing in the middle of nowhere China in a village
staring at one of the most beautiful end to a challenging day of cultural immersion.


The final village we staying in was a Naxi village in Northern Yunnan.
The village is surrounded by mountains, some of which are the beginnings
of the foothills of the Himalayas. The mountains were absolutely
beautiful. The tallest mountain was gorgeous – caped with beautiful snow
with clouds clinging to its peaks looking like all the majestic
mountains I’ve seen on planet earth and national geographic movies.
Also, knowing that on the other side of the mountain lay the Tibetan
cultural region made me more meditative and peaceful. My host mother was
very nice and since all her children had moved to the city to work there
were twenty girls from my program staying in her house. Ten of us slept
in the attic, which was surprisingly warm since she gave us a ton of
blankets. Like all the other villages we had dinner with our host family
and then went to the village party to see traditional village dances and
share some American culture by singing old rock classics and modern
songs like “Dynamite” which Lily (one of our staff members) translated
told the villagers was a song about the celebration of life, which I
guess it kind of is.


It was strange to think that our trip was ending the next day. We had
been traveling through Yunnan for almost two weeks and it seemed like a
different world, a totally different China. Being in Yunnan has made me
rethink how I feel about China and has really changed how I understand
China. Staying with ethnic minorities, especially in their villages, was
an eye opening experience. Although many times the people and places
seemed so vastly different from home in many of the villages I was
struck by the generosity and friendship the people shared with us. And
although they don’t have toilets or heat I found that they like to
celebrate life the same way my giant polish family does back in America –
with good food, booze, and a band. 

                               The Bai village women 

                              Me in the Naxi village

Yunnan Trip Part 1: beautiful and terrifying

I’m back from my two-week trip to the Yunnan province of China. It was a
mandatory academic excursion trip that focused on learning about and
interacting with some of the ethnic minorities in that region of China.
On the trip we stayed with five different ethnic minority groups in
their villages. In each village we were assigned a host family who we
spent the day with and then spent the night in their home. If you
pretend you're watching a national geographic movie where there are men
and women dressed in traditional village clothing dancing around a fire,
pooping in a hole in the ground, and eating bugs for lunch you can begin
to picture some of my experiences in the villages of Yunnan. I’m not
kidding – I’ve become an expert at the squat and go bathroom method.

The first village we stayed was home to the Yi people. This was actually
my favorite village because the food was actually really good and my
host mother was wonderful. The home where I stayed with a traditional
dwelling with minimal electricity (only a couple light bulbs), no heat,
and a rooster to wake you up early in the morning. When had a big lunch
with lots of dishes with local vegetables and pork from the freshly
slaughtered pig. We also had water containing a stick with leaves in it,
which I later learned was a local grass used to make tea. It was
actually really good but I couldn’t help thinking about the Polovick
side of my family joking about eating tree bark. Later we climbed into
the back of some trucks and rode up a nearby mountain to get to a lake
where the Yi women were going to perform their village dances. I
seriously thought I was going to fall off of a cliff and die as we drove
up the winding dirt road standing in the back of the truck with only
each other to hang on to. Fortunately I survived the ride and got to see
the Yi women perform their beautiful dances, especially their famous
dragon dance. I couldn’t believe that I was standing in a village in the
middle of nowhere China watching Yi women perform a dragon dance for
Chinese New Year. It was incredible. After the women finished performing
they tried to teach us the dragon dance. It was way harder than I
thought it would be. The women made it look so easy, but the dragon and
the sticks supporting it were really heavy! Being in the Yi village was
just the beginning of a trip that was like nothing I have ever
experienced before.

The second village we stayed in was a Hani village much higher up in the
mountains, which means that the people often turn to baijiu (a
disgusting tasting clear liquor with a 60% alcohol content). When I got
to my host families house after hiking up a ridiculously steep hill my
host father immediately insisted on pouring me and Emily, the other
student with me, a glass of baijiu. One sip was enough to make me cough,
but we had been warned not to reject the offering since it would be
extremely disrespectful. So we chocked down our glasses over lunch that
was one of the scariest meals I’ve ever seen or attempted to eat. There
were actual bugs in a dish on the table and my host brother was poping
them in his mouth just like they were the peanuts next to them. I ate
another dish which I didn’t know had bugs in it but quickly discovered
was not something I wanted anywhere near my mouth. After lunch we met up
with some local children to hike the rice terraces. The rice terraces
were absolutely beautiful. It was like looking at a postcard only I
could smell the freshness of the air and feel the mushy ground
 under my feet. My captivation of the beauty lasted until the terraces became as narrow as a balance beam and not falling off into the murky rice paddies became my top priority. I was getting a little scared at one point and out of no where a little Hani girl grabbed my hand to guide me on the path. It was so sweet, and such perfect moment of kindness and human connection that at least for a while I totally forgot about my fear of falling. The Hani village was beautiful and challenging and another part of the journey that has opened my eyes to a world I’ve never experienced before. 

The story of this journey will be continued in blogs to come…

你好 Ni hao! Hi!

Learning Chinese is really really really difficult. I think it is
probably the hardest class of my college career so far. The sounds are
different and even when I write in pinyin (American letters) the letters
mean totally different things. For example the letter q is pronounced
“chi” and the letter x is pronounced “she”. I already have a good
study group that meets the night before every class to work on homework
together and study for our dictation quizzes. Aside from my Chinese
language class I am really excited about my other classes. I am taking a
research seminar to help with the progress of my Ricci project and the
professor is extremely knowledgeable, helpful, and encouraging. He has
already helped me to think about what I want to do with my project and
make sure it is really what I want to study. I have decided to focus on
Buddhist temples in Beijing, especially some of the historically
significant ones. My research mentor is also wonderful and has even
offered to drive me to some temples later in the semester. My favorite
class so far is Daoism. The professor has a great sense of humor and has
us meditate in class. I am also taking a sociology class focused on
society and religion in China. The class seems like it is going to be
extremely helpful for my research project and will also be a very
interesting class. My professor is a Pulitzer Prize winner and seems to
be an all around amazing person. He wrote one of the books I have for
class and is going to have the author of one of our other books come and
speak to us about his experience in China. We are also going to get to
go on some field trips! Overall, I am already really enjoying my classes
here and love learning so muchabout China and Chinese culture while here
in China. My classes have been keeping me very busy.

I’ve also been preparing for a two-week trip to the Yunnan Province of
China. It is a mandatory educational study trip sponsored by my program.
We will be traveling through Yunnan for two weeks and five of the nights
we will be in minority villages spending the nights sleeping in the homes
of minority villagers. Unfortunately I won’t have internet access during
the trip so I won’t be able to post any blogs for the next two weeks but
I’m sure I will have tons to write about when I get back!

Incense and Awe

Today I started my research for my Ricci project on sacred space by going
to the Yonghegong Temple in Beijing. When I existed the subwaystation I
was immediately aware that I was close to the temple. The street
was lined with little shops selling incense to be burned in front of
temples, Buddhist prayer beads, and other religious goods. I began to
smell the incense wafting over the walls of the temple before I arrived
at the entrance. I was the only white person standing in line with the
many Chinese people who were all holding bundles of incense. I’m glad
I’ve learned some basic numbers inChinese so I could ask to buy one
ticket. I walked toward the path and the closer I got to the main gate
the stronger the smell of incense became (fortunately it is a smell I
love). When I entered the temple complex through the main gate I was
overcome with the beauty of the temple and the beauty of the
people praying. It was hard to believe the number of believers lighting
incense, bowing in prayer, and offering incense to Buddha. There were
people of all ages from teenagers to the elderly and dressed in
everything from simple traditional outfits to high heels and fashionable
coats.

I felt like I was intruding on a very private beautiful moment of prayer.
For a long time I just stood and watched as people offered incense and
prayed bowing down on their knees. Finally I got up the courage to
walk inside one of the temple halls and since the young monk at the
entrance didn’t stop me I figured it was okay. Even though I am not a
Buddhist I truly felt like I was walking on sacred ground and was very
moved by the experience. The giant gold Buddha in the hall I entered was
beautiful. The emotion I felt when I entered the temple hall and saw it
transported me back to the first time I stepped into Saint Peter’s
Basilica in Rome. I was in awe of the beauty and mystery of the temple
hall. It was an indescribable experience. It was so moving for me, and so
prayerful. Even my prayer had no words I felt a powerfulsense of prayer
in my heart. When I exited the temple I remembered why I had come to
China and why I am a religious studies major: to experience these
kinds of places, to study them, and to grow in my understanding of the
world and myself. Going to yonghegong temple was an extraordinary experience
and I can’t wait to visit more Buddhist temples in Beijing.

Dealing with Duality

It is still hard to say how I feel about living in Beijing. The tastes,
smells, sounds, sights, and textures still leave me in some level of
culture shock. I think that the hardest thing I’ve had to wrap my
head around is the many seemingly contradictory experiences of life in
Beijing. As I walk out of the International University of Business and
Economics campus I live on and into the local neighborhood I notice how
the streets are littered with cigarettes and trash, and garbage collects
along the curb. It seems to be a place lacking any sort of cleanliness,
but when I step into the subway system it is spotless with airport like
security for your bags. The extremely efficient, brightly lit and clean
train pulls up exactly on schedule and as it flies out of the station I
almost feel like I could be in a futuristic episode of Doctor Who as I
listen to an unfamiliar language, speeding underground in a sleek shiny
metro car. When I walk to local restaurants around campus I see
shiny expensive cars driving on the same street as bicycles towing carts
of heaping piles of wood or other supplies. There are fancy restaurants
with big red lanterns next to the local hole in the wall restaurants no
bigger than my dorm room. The fancy hot pot restaurant I went to served
soup with little fish in it(really, a whole fish was in my soup, eyes,
scales, and all!) but the best meal I have had yet is the delicious baozi
from a restaurant that is more like a room with three small tables. At
first glance it would scare away anyone frightened of the lack of
hygiene. It is a place where you don’t let the rough wooden chopsticks
hit the table but you can count on the steamed buns and dumplings being
fresh and delicious. At first I thought the whole hallway I live on in
my dorm smelt like Chinese take-out but now I seem have become accustomed
to this smell everywhere. So often this city seems so modern teaming with
businessmen and technology but then I remember that there are no laundry
dryers, YouTube, and facebook don’t work, and I wonder how this great
contrast exists. Last Saturday I went to the Forbidden City, a beautiful
site of Chinese history. It was remarkable that to get to the gorgeous
palace built over five hundred years ago for the glory of Chinese
dynasties I had to walk through Tiananmen Squareand consider the great
contrast in these two historical sites. I am still processing what it
means to be in China, and especially in Beijing. My senses have been
bombarded with all the new surroundings and although there are
somethings I don’t know if I’ll ever get used to I can definitely get
used to sitting with some friends over a couple dishes of steaming hot
baozi from the hole in the wall restaurant where a little happiness can
be bought for less than a dollar.

Beijing

I can’t believe I’m in China! Really, I still don’t think it has sunk in
that I am here and will be until the middle of May. I am staying on an
international university campus in an international student dorm.
The hallways often smell like fried rice or a compilation of Chinese
dishes, and in the community bathrooms the toilets consist of wholes in
the floor. Fortunately I have a western style toilet in my room that I
share with my roommate from Saint Louis University. So far I haven’t seen
much of Beijing as I have been settling in and going to orientation on
campus. It is definitely going to behard to blend in here as a white,
light hair, blue eyed American.

So far I have already eaten more Chinese dishes than in my whole life previous to coming to Beijing. It is typical to have lunch or dinner with a group at a table with a lazy susan where all the dishes are passed around to everyone so I’ve been able to try tons of new food.
I’m a fan of the kung pow chicken here and have had some delicious fried
noodles with beef. I’ve also had some stranger dishes like haven’t been
so appealing to my taste buds like a soup containing fish balls, shrimp,
black chicken, bok choy, and mushrooms. My skills with chopsticks have been rapidly improving out of necessity although I’m still struggling with some foods. My friend Hung who is studying here helped me out with a very helpful lesson so I’m getting better.There are lots of cultural differences here I’ve already seen and I’m sure tons I will discover in the near future. So far it has been really overwhelming to be here, and as my jet lag is just starting to wear off hopefully I can discover more of Beijing soon.